Men are predictable animals. They fall into routines, including their social lives, when schedules and regular patterns don’t need to exist like they do at work, guys tend to repeat actions. When having a party, it’s incredibly easy to forecast how each of your friends will leave that night. Guys fall into one of 10 categories when they exit parties – which one is you (or someone you know)?
10. The Werewolf
Your friend may enter the party quiet and well-behaved, but after a few drinks he turns into an unrecognizable beast. Like the old school buddies, a beer bong transforms him into a party monster. He howls, upturns the party and runs off into the night — not to be seen again until the following day. The next morning, you find him sleeping in your neighbor’s truck or naked in a nearby field. When you wake him up, he never remembers where he is, how he got there or why there’s a half-eaten rabbit next to him.
9. The Magician
Also known as The Phantom, your friend does not have the word “goodbye” in his vocabulary. It doesn’t matter what stage the party is in; it may be in full swing, winding down, full of people, or empty. Suddenly, you ask: “Where’s my buddy? Did he leave?” Everyone shrugs. He didn’t offer parting words to anyone, not even a “later, guys.” Nobody saw him leave. Nobody even saw the front door open or noticed a puff of smoke. He’s disappeared into thin air. You’d be worried if your pal wasn’t infamous for leaving unannounced and unseen.
8. The Vincent Chase
Until the most recent season of Entourage, Vincent Chase didn’t even have a driver’s license. That’s because he never had to worry about getting a ride home. Women at the party fall over each other to be his designated driver. Your friend Johnny may have a license, but like Vincent Chase he always leaves the party with a different girl. Before you’ve even asked for a phone number, you see him leaving with the beautiful wannabe actress who just arrived. He meets your eyes and shrugs as if to say: “You know this is what I do. I don’t understand my powers either.”
7. The Snow White
The party can be a five-alarm rager or quiet movie night, and the only sure thing is your friend will pass out on the couch. In college, it didn’t matter how many “goodies” people drew on his face with Sharpies or how many wallets he lost to homeless drifters, he never learned to stop drinking before his lights shut off. Not even a kiss from a prince (or the tits of a drunken sorority sister) can wake him. He’s been kicked out of more bars than your Drunk Fighter Friend, solely because he falls asleep on the table.
6. The Pied Piper
Sure, he is your friend, but that’s not why you invite him to the party. You invite him because you know if he comes, then so will everyone else. Call it magnetism or luck, but the Piper always seems to bring the party and take the party. If you want your birthday to be a blowout, you have to worry about his enjoyment level more than your own because if he leaves, the other party rats will follow his magic flute.
5. The New Yorker
The minute your friend Trent arrives, he’s already talking about six other parties he knows about that night. He can never commit to one place for longer than an hour because he is absolutely positive there will be better booze, better women and celebrities at the next party. He always knows about a club “that’s going off” and he’s always on the guest list. Trent will sometimes reappear with people he’s dragged from another party, only to leave again with five more people from your party because he knows about “a killer after-hours.”
4. The Hippie
It’s about the attitude. Your friend isn’t necessarily a stoner or a fan of ecstasy, but he insists upon hugging everyone before he leaves. Even people he’s never met get a hug on his way out. His goodbyes take so long that you’ll often hear, “You’re still here ? You hugged me an hour ago.” Hip dude will blush, smile and give that person another hug. While it can get annoying, he’s always very thankful for the party love. He will even text you on his way home to tell you again how much fun he had, and that he loves you.
3. The Bruce Willis
Bruce Willis is so famous for always being the last man standing in his movies that he even starred in a film called Last Man Standing. Willis is Unbreakable, falling down, getting beaten up, walking over broken glass, looking like he’s about to die; yet he always fights to the end. Your friend Pete is the same way. He refuses to leave a party until everyone is gone and all of the alcohol is dry. He slurs like a zombie and looks like Planet Terror, but will be there all weekend if necessary, and is most definitely the party’s Die Hard.
2. The Bad Calling Blind Umpire
Nothing is more confusing than an umpire who misses a blatantly obvious call. Just when you think everything is safe and the inning is going great, he calls “Out” and disrupts everything. Your friend is the same way at a party. Everybody will be having a great time, talking and laughing, when suddenly he announces, “I’m out,” and leaves. No explanation, no reason, he just suddenly makes the call, ejects himself and sticks to it. When you question him about it the next day, he’ll swear the party looked over.
1. The Bernie
When your friend shows up, you know you’ll be a friend of Bernie’s by the end. Zach turns any night into a Weekend at Bernie’s. He’s like a dead body that needs to be escorted home, packed in a cab and put into bed. However, unlike The Snow White, you can’t leave him sleeping on the couch because somehow he’ll find a way to make trouble. Just when you think The Bernie isn’t going anywhere, he’s suddenly water-skiing or caught up in a hilarious murder plot.
Courtesy of Ask Men (link to original post).