List o’ Top 10 New Years Resolutions for Animals


Hey – animals are people too, aren’t they? Well, if they are and they were making resolutions on January 1, these are some of the things that we would overhear if we had that old Dr Doolittle power:

10. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.

9. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

8. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.

7. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

6. Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on ‘roids, or they’ll flush my ass.

4. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is too much.

3. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.

2. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd – December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

1. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it leave his hand.

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