List o’ 20 Somewhat Silly New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions - fingers crossedIt has happened: the time when we all tell ourselves (and everyone within earshot depending on just how much we have had to drink) just how dramatically our life is about to change. Of course it is. Of course we sincerely mean every word of it. Just like we have on the other New Year’s eves. Many of us are champion resolution makers: making, good; doing, not so good. Sure, we would have made those necessary changes earlier than now, but we all know that you can’t do it in October or November, and don’t even talk about December; that would be simply ridiculous with new year so close! January is the official ‘start-time’ for change – everybody knows that. Whatever your goal – richer, thinner, happier, more relaxed, more balanced, matter, it all happens on January 1st. For a week at least. This year, we may even stretch it to two.

PINK new year

  1. I will not tell the same story at every get together.
  2. Next time I see a UFO I won’t tell anybody about it.
  3. I will try to figure out why I really need nine e-mail addresses.
  4. I resolve to work with neglected children – my own.
  5. I will eat ice-cream at midnight – every midnight of the year, I mean, not just this one.
  6. Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.
  7. I will never squat again with my spurs on.
  8. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet – lol.
  9. I will think of a password other than “password” or my name.
  10. I will only eat things that move; vegetables are definitely out.
  11. Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.
  12. I will always check for paper when entering the restroom.
  13. I will always wear clean underwear, “just in case”.
  14. I will start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
  15. I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.
  16. I will stop caring more about the breed of Obama’s new dog than his policies.
  17. I will curb my use of ring tones that are cool to me.
  18. I will stop shopping and talking on the cell phone simultaneously.
  19. I will finally throw away all my old magazines. Really.
  20. I will watch more TV to catch up on all those programs I missed, because now they are cool.

champagne glasses

And of course the biggest of them all:

I will stick to these resolutions for more than a week.
I will get a freaking life.


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8 Responses to "List o’ 20 Somewhat Silly New Years Resolutions":

  1. BrokeMine April 22, 2010 at 01:27

    lol – i broke all my new years resolutions already also!

  2. crelfball April 13, 2010 at 05:24

    blah blah blah — that is all i have to say about new years resolution. kind of like very fragile knick knacks, they are just made to be broken

  3. Entituer44 April 12, 2010 at 18:39

    some of these really made me laugh, especially the one about throwing away old magazines – never!!

  4. NY Themes April 8, 2010 at 16:54

    haha – nice one. I have broken most of my NY resolutions too, including all that food i promised myself i wouldnt eat! there is always next year.

  5. Idleware44 April 5, 2010 at 21:15

    here it is april, and i have already broken most of the resolutions i made for this year…

  6. pharmacy technician February 2, 2010 at 04:23

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  8. beaR January 14, 2010 at 11:41

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