In this list, here are a few things that come to mind – add yours to the list. We would love to hear it!
What is “Fuck You” Money, you ask?
(1)any amount of money allowing infinite perpetuation of wealth necessary to maintain a desired lifestyle without needing employment or assistance from anyone.
(2)Enough money to be able to say fuck you to anybody on the planet.
Bill gates was offered a knighthood, but he has fuck you money, so he didn’t show.
Fuck You Money (henceforth referred to as F.U.M.) is a certain level of wealth that basically allows you the ability to do whatever the fuck you want, whenever you want to, however you want to, for the rest of your life and then some – And if anybody has a problem with it, you can just say…we,, you get the idea. For the sake of argument, I will set my F.U.M amount at $1,000,000,000 USD. Or, as The Sultan Of Brunei calls it, “Hooker Money”:
1. The Scrooge McDuck Money Pool
Why a pool? Because a whole vault would just be so low class Probably need alot more money to fill a vault rather than a pool.
Either way, who hasn’t thought of having a SMD money pit at least once in their life? I’m almost positive, that every time Duck Tales came on I thought to myself “Wow, I’d sure like to have me one of those money vault things to swim around in”. Sure, it would be impractical. Sure, the sheer logistics of swimming through a sea of gold coins just doesn’t add up. Sure, coins are as filthy as a Greg Giraldo roast session (RIP G.G.). I don’t care.
Look at this duck. LOOK AT HIM!!! He’s happier than a pig in shit. That’s the life, right there.
2. Live In A Drug-Lord Style Compound In the Tropics
Anyone can live in a mansion. Living on an “estate” is fine for Tighty Von Whitecollar, but it takes style and flair to live like a Columbian drug lord from a seedy action flick.
The bare must-have essentials (feel free to add to this list in your comments):
- Make sure your pad is classified as a “compound”, it just sounds cooler. BUT make sure its not a religious compound. Gated with all the high tech security gizmos available, obviously.
- A gang of big serious-looking dudes in suits, rocking bad ass mustaches and packing AK-47?s. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, would make me feel safer.
- A hedge maze.
- A “grotto” style pool area, filled with scantily clad Latinas wearing those bikinis where the side straps went over their hips, looking like somebody gave them a melvin. A little Playboy mansion for sure, but who doesn’t want to be High Hefner?
- A walk in wardrobe room filled with linen suits, leather shoes and Nike hightops and Panama Hats. Conveniently located adjacent to my walk in humidor and my white leather sandles. And in the back, hidden behind a wallshelf, the secret door to the bling, bong and Buster room.
- A helicopter. Absolutely, 100%, a MUST HAVE.
- A collection of the fastest, most obnoxious, sexiest cars you can find – of course, with a full time in-house mechanic.
3. Make It Rain – Whenever I Damn Well Please
Making it rain is now part of our culture, thanks to Fat Joe, Lil Wayne and, to a lesser extent, PacMan Jones.
While they do it for strippers, I want to do it for EVERYTHING.
Can’t pay too much – there is no law for how you hand cash over to a merchant in exchange for goods or services. And lets be frank, money is money, so who’s going to turn down $5,000 in cash at Sears for a new stove, even if it is flying around in the air while loud rap music is blaring?
Here are some examples of when I would bring the precipitation:
- Paying the pizza delivery guy
- Buying a car
- Paying off all my debts
- Paying a cab driver
- Loaning money to friends (Note: for this one I may elect to get one of those booths that have an air compressor attached to them and make them work for it)
- Giving money to homeless people.
The only drawback I can see is having to carry around large amounts of cash all the time. But then that is when the big serious looking dudes in suits come in handy – just take them with you when you leave the compound,
4. Donate Half To Stem Cell Research
Because I’m not a total asshole, and because who really needs $1Billion anyway? I’ll be happy with $500,000,000. And I can give a big FUCK YOU! to a whole bunch of religious extremists in the process. Its a win-win!
5. Have the best party ever and invite all your friends (the obvious one)