List O’ Ten Things To Do To Survive in Prison

Probably the best thing to do to survive in prison is – don’t break the law, or at least dont get caught and stay out of jail in the first place! However, if it does happen, then there a couple of key tactics that you can use to lower the odds of a shiv in the kidney or a killer shower with Mr. Oops-I-Dropped-The-Soap. Here they are:

10. Don’t Hang With Punks

List O' Ten Things To Do To Survive in Prison-top ten list

In jail, this term is used to describe those people who attach themselves to new inmates and are referred to as their ‘girlfriends’. It is done mainly for protection and the punk inmate may benefit in the short run but ultimately the other prisoner will abuse his new girlfriend, treat him like a slave and worse. Not a good situation.

9. Keep Your Trap Shut

 

These are not your friends, you dont want to gab, hang out or make your business public. Zip it! When in prison, only speak when you are spoken to. This means that you should not talk about unnecessary things and definitely not discuss your crime. This becomes all the more important if you have been convicted for a sexual crime. If you are foolish enough to brag about it, you will become a huge target for brutality and rape.

8. Stay Out of Debt

List O' Ten Things To Do To Survive in Prison-top ten list

Gambling is a great way to make sure that you will die behind bars. Forget about how short your sentence may be – when you play games for money with other prisons, it is a lose-lose situation. If you lose, you owe money and the juice will never stop. If you win, you make them angry. And if somebody lends you something, don’t take it. Refuse, because if you don’t, you will become indebted to that person and end up getting killed eventually.

7. Don’t Dis Nobody

List O' Ten Things To Do To Survive in Prison-top ten list

We are not talking about maintaining the Emily Post rules of etiquitte here, but don’t get all rude and disrespectful of the people around you – guards or prisoners. This one is really pretty much common sense, and goodness sake, dont blab or rat anyone out. If an incidents occurs in the jail and you know who is behind it, just keep it to yourself if the guard asks you anything about it. If you start telling on your inmates, you will have to face the music. In addition to that, be sure to be nice to the guards whenever you can, because they can hit you or send you to very bad places.

6. Remember – They All Suck

 

If somebody is in prison, it probably means that he is not a kind person. Um, yeah – these are not the cream of society, and basically, you have to assume that they are all mean, evil and out to get you. Every man for himself.

5. Don’t Look Anyone In the Eye

List O' Ten Things To Do To Survive in Prison-top ten list

Prisoners are not the most rational people in the world. If you look at a person too long, he will automatically take it badly and assume that you are staring. The next thing you know, you are the main target of violence. Therefore, it is best to look straight ahead at all times.

4. Dont Get Wasted

List O' Ten Things To Do To Survive in Prison-top ten list

It is really not a good idea to pray to the Porcelain Goddess when you are in jail – just keep those party animal impulses in check. Even though drug and alcohol use will help you forget your time in prison and will pass the time faster, you will also become indebted to another prisoner. Not only that, but you may also get into trouble with the guards.

3. Get Big ‘n Buff

List O' Ten Things To Do To Survive in Prison

This will help you pass time and will also make you stronger physically. If you look strong and walk without staring at your feet, maybe you wont get hassled – maybe.

2. Keep Your Shit to Yourself

List O' Ten Things To Do To Survive in Prison-top ten list

In addition to keeping quiet about your crime, you should also keep details about your private life to yourself. The same rule applies to you too and you should avoid delving into the private lives of other convicts.

1. Make Nice With Your New Friends

List O' Ten Things To Do To Survive in Prison-top ten list

Make sure that you are both respectful and polite when you are conversing with other prisoners, just dont be a total loser while getting this job done. Respect is valued in jail and if you respect others, they will return it and make your life easier.

Share Article: